Numb
by frappie
Summary: Songfic from "Numb" by Linkin Park. Hiei's perspective. You may need tissues when reading this. YAOI


*I do not own YYH  
  
Numb  
  
Droplets continually splash against my pale, smooth face. I shut my eyes, feeling the rain wash away my emotions, my memories, my agony. As the thunder roars far off in the distance, my body aches of being alive. Life has given nothing to me but hurt and pain. Nobody ever loved me. Nobody will.  
  
I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
  
feeling so faithless  
  
lost under the surface  
  
I don't know what you're expecting of me  
  
put under the pressure  
  
of walking in your shoes  
  
My memories suddenly struck my consciousness, flashing horrible images before my eyes. 'I don't want to remember the pain!' I screamed in my head. Yet it is the truth. A familiar picture forms in my mind, at first blurry but eventually focuses. The memory is of my recent visit to my beloved kitsune. I shudder as the dramatic scene begins to replay before me.  
  
[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]  
  
every step that I take is another mistake to you  
  
[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]  
  
"Would you like some more tea, Hiei?" asked Kurama, politely offering the hot beverage to me. I sat inside of his room late in the evening, seeking refuge from the incoming storm and hopefully something I've never had in life.  
"No. Kurama...I came to tell you something very important. Something I've never experienced before until now." I paused in caution. I waited for a sign of interest from the red-haired human so to continue. Kurama watched me patiently, while his eyes signaled for me to go on. "Kurama, I love you," I whispered.  
  
I've  
  
become so numb  
  
I can't feel you there  
  
become so tired  
  
so much more aware  
  
I'm becoming this  
  
all I want to do  
  
is be more like me  
  
and be less like you  
  
At first I looked up to find the kitsune's green eyes registering the information of my love. His face was calm and understanding, but within a blink, it changed. Pure fury flushed his face, his eyes no longer an emerald shade. His body began to shake in rage as his mouth opened.  
"Did you think that I would ever love a worthless demon such as yourself. You sicken me, Hiei. I hold no importance for you. You're just another low-life scum looking for a good fuck. Isn't that right? I HATE YOU! Get out of my sight, you wretched beast!" he screamed. His beautiful hair appeared messy and his pure, innocent complexion destroyed. I just stood there in shock and disbelief.  
  
can't you see that you're smothering me  
  
holding too tightly  
  
afraid to lose control  
  
cause everything that you thought I would be  
  
has fallen apart right in front of you  
  
Seeing that I wouldn't budge, Kurama grabbed the teapot desperately and violently chucked it towards me. I barely dodged the flying object when it collided with the window behind me, shattering the glass and the teapot. Broken pieces pierced my light skin and my black cloak. As blood began to drip from my wounds, I quickly dashed out the newly made exit. Tears began to stream down my eyes. I quickly glanced back at the furious kitsune one last time knowing that I was never to be loved by my precious fox ever. The pain of knowing that no one wanting me entered my heart. I swiftly disappeared into the darkness of the night as the rain began to trickle from the clouds.  
  
[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]  
  
every step that I take is another mistake to you  
  
[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]  
  
and every second I waste is more than I can take  
  
My body screams of abuse and pain that it's feeling as my consciousness brings me back to the present. Blood still seeps through my thin clothing, soaking the ground and the cloth a deep crimson red. My breathing grows slower with every breath. The air I exhale appears as condensation slipping into the cold night. Every part of me is soaked, including my heart. The heat from my body quickly escapes, replaced by the freezing touch of rain. My body is starting to lose feeling. I feel so numb.  
  
I've  
  
become so numb  
  
I can't feel you there  
  
become so tired  
  
so much more aware  
  
I'm becoming this  
  
all I want to do  
  
is be more like me  
  
and be less like you  
  
Maybe I am destined to always be alone. To always wander by myself with no one beside me. To have no one to care about me. To die here in the rain, while the world carries on, not knowing that I have slipped into death.  
  
And I know  
  
I may end up failing too  
  
But I know  
  
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you  
  
Just as my being is ready to give life up, I hear a set of footsteps running towards me. My eyes open a crack to see that my visitor has red hair and deep green eyes. It is Kurama, out of breath with hot tears trailing down his cheeks. Seeing me in my current situation, he kneels down and scoops me up in his strong arms. My beloved kitsune hugs my body close to his, hoping to save me from the cold and the pain.  
"No Hiei. I'm so sorry. Please don't leave me!" he sobs, unknowing that I have already made up my mind. I have already chosen death, alone without love or feeling.  
  
I've  
  
become so numb  
  
I can't feel you there  
  
become so tired  
  
so much more aware  
  
I'm becoming this  
  
all I want to do  
  
is be more like me  
  
and be less like you I've become so numb  
  
I can't feel you there  
  
Is everything what you want me to be  
  
I've become so numb  
  
I can't feel you there  
  
Is everything what you want me to be  
  
My eyes slowly close to the sight of my love crying over me. Darkness begins to consume me. My body and soul is so numb, feeling nothing. Just before I fall into oblivion I hear a meek voice say, "I love you, too Hiei."  
  
The End 


End file.
